So, I came home from Europe and I realized I’m broke. B-R-O-K-E. No joke. I had about as much money in the bank as I had facial hair growing on my chin. Yea, I was that poor. And to add insult to injury (I’ve always wanted to use that in a blog), I had no job, no time to get a job, and expenses up the wah-zoo. Furthermore, I realized that I only had two pairs of shorts and one beat-up pair of sandals to last me the rest of summer; my wardrobe had to be addressed.
Not that my wardrobe is that important to me at all, but a guy likes to be comfortable. Guys also have to look the part because being confident in your outfit does wonders for a guy’s mental health on the daily. Fortunately, as I had discussed with some friends, I don’t really have a style. For me, my look is more based on the direction of my morning moods, with an added splash of spontaneity. I guess I’ve always used my own fashion sense to dress myself in the morning, which can potentially be very dangerous. But at the same time, I trust myself enough to wear appealing yet comfortable clothes, and I realize that not everyone’s going to like what I’m wearing. To those people I say emphatically, “WHATEVER, WHATEVER, I DO WHAT I WANT!” I digress.
Anyways, I’ve finally discovered my true calling. In light of my new found, self-proclaimed poverty (and free time), I’ve now set my sights on a new career path: fashion design. I’m only half serious when I say that, but I’m actually getting better at creating my own clothes and I’ve developed a method to my madness. In order to save money on overpriced clothing, I do the following: I go shopping at a “thrift store” (aka my dad’s closet), I select clothes that I deem “salvageable,” I then ponder a moment of how to salvage that article of clothing, I make the appropriate alterations, then sport it out on the town and measure peoples’ reactions to it. It’s been working wonders for my wardrobe and my bank account. Since I started this, I’ve amassed three new pairs of shorts, I’ve salvaged two pairs of shoes, and I’m looking more and more “vintage” as the days go by. And to solve my footwear problem, I began wearing shoes without socks. I know, I know. Gross right? But before you begin to break out the pitchforks, I want you to know that wearing shoes without socks is absolutely sanitary–assuming you take the steps to maintain proper hygiene–just ask the Europeans. It’s a good look for me at least, without having to invest more money in sandals that leave tan lines dividing your big toe from the rest.
So, before I take my new company public, and my stocks skyrocket in light of our slumping economy, I wanted to get my secret out in order to help and inspire all of you poor college students sitting at home twiddling your thumbs. Do something with your old clothes! Don’t make the mistake of going back-to-school shopping in a mall; find your household/neighborhood thrift store! Save your money because we’re going to need it in our near future. Our generation will be wading in the plight of the Baby Boomers, starving without social security to lift us up! Your parents will also greatly appreciate your consideration. It’s a win-win solution!
My daily outfit now consists of short shorts, tank tops, sunglasses, and comfortable shoes. No need to buy anything else, I have everything I need. Thank the Lord for my dad’s skinniness back in the day so I could fit in his old clothes, and praise God for creativity. The only possible downside: if for some reason your new outfit’s trial run gathers weird or awkward reactions from strangers, ditch it immediately. The last thing we need in this world is a person strutting their stuff in pink velvet short shorts with a fanny pack, wearing sandals with socks. If that’s you, just stick to buying your clothes from the store.